March 16, 2014

a journal entry: kristy novak



It takes courage to share your innermost thoughts with those close to you… even more courage to share those same thoughts with a stranger; but that is just what Kristy did when she sent us these words last week: unprompted, generous and heartfelt. With her permission we are so thankful to be able to share them with you.

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Hello,

I am writing to thank you for creating such a beautiful space.

I am a mother of two amazing babes, Alexa (three and a half) and Holly (13 months). We live in Melbourne however I am a country Queensland girl and have struggled for the most part to find mothers with honesty. Your last two Heart to Hearts have made me feel so much. I feel so much happiness and warmth from the honestly that Stacy and Amy shared.

2013 brought us our sweet beautiful 'little' girl but also one of the hardest years of our time as parents. We suffered bouts of sickness (with two hospital admissions for Holly), sleepless nights due to Holly waking up to eleven times a night (this has only gone down in the past three weeks), endless breastfeeding and a spirited three year old who was struggling to find her way as the big sister. I struggled, because after all I do have a wonderful, helpful, caring husband, my girls are actually very healthy and I have a dream job with a well known florist. I don't 'really' have anything to complain about, or did I? Life got the better of me and I began to think thoughts, thoughts I knew weren't myself. I often convinced myself that something would happen to me, that the girls would be left of memories of a 'cranky tired mum' that I hadn't done well enough by them. It hurt, so off I privately took myself to the dr.

Beyond my feelings of not doing my best for my family was the hurt that I felt when I realized that I had very little support from friends and family. While it strengthened relationships with a small number of friends and very close family it also crushed relationships I believed would stand the test of time. Not everyone wants to hear you talk about how hard being a mum is, especially when they do not have children or even a boyfriend, because to them, 'what do you have to complain about'. I have never felt so isolated. That hurt was something I would never have been able to forsee, so off I went and deactivated my facebook and removed that pain for the time being.

I made the decision to wholeheartedly make peace with our life, with being a tired cranky mum, a sometimes highly irrational wife and a 'bad' friend.

Life is wonderful, I admitted a kind of defeat and it felt really really good. My Dr was amazing, she made me see that I wasn't 'crazy', that I was a Mum, a mum trying to do the best I could. I spoke to my husband, we worked out a plan and the girls I know they love me. As for the friends, they can wait, because as the year may have been tough it gave taught me so many things, while friends a beautiful beautiful thing, they are not worth it if you don't have their support.

I actually did not intend of writing such a long email (sorry!) and this really was just to thank you for bringing such inspiring honesty and integrity, but isn't it true that more comfortable you feel that more it is easier to admit.

I would love to assist in any way possible with your journal. Its amazing and your are truly amazing ladies for making it all possible!!


Kristy x


find kristy on instagram  |  @kristybidelia

2 comments:

  1. Beautiful. So honest and the article I have connected with the most on this site. X

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  2. Totally with you Kristy! Thanks for sharing your story and especially to those amazing mums created this beautiful space.

    Mothering is such a hard job. I can tell many people admitted it but...everything just stops there! I've been questioning (and even angry) why no one (my friends with kids) would tell me the ultimate truth about their bad days or if they are EVER struggling, while I have so many bad days compared to good ones :(

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